“Nicely, how the fa-la-la-la are you?”

Solely she mentioned one other F phrase there. Her pal then added this:

“Don’t thoughts her. She’s 4 drinks in.”

I used to be smitten. In love. All you want is that, proper? And these women had it. Me, too. On a late summer time afternoon, on a well-used muni within the Bronx, New York, I had fallen head over golf sneakers for 2 beforehand unknown ladies whom I had joined up with. 

They have been very merry. 

They drank. They cursed. They laughed. At themselves. At one another. Finally at me. They talked about how their classes weren’t working. They needed to combat some slower gamers forward of us. They cheered for good pictures. They requested the place I labored. They advised me the place they labored: Each have been longtime lecturers. Candy!

Finally, sadly, we went our separate methods. However they’ll go down as the most effective rando golf companions I’ve ever had. I advised them that, too. So that they instantly got here to thoughts as we renew this annual train the place we provide up Christmas needs for people throughout the golf world. They deserve a gift. It’s easy, although: 

Extra. Simply preserve doing what you’re doing. No adjustments. No notes. They’ve received this foolish sport received. They find it irresistible. So simply extra of that for them. 

Listed here are 22 extra ideas.  

2. A couple of month earlier, at that very same course, I used to be paired up with two extra memorable gamers, a dad and his younger son, each visiting from the United Arab Emirates. Dad introduced up LIV Golf. Watching neighboring Saudi Arabia spend billions on the golf league, he was inquisitive about all of it, and I’ll merely go away it at that.

My want, although, is for the son.  

He’s a Rory McIlroy fan. He’s seen him typically on the Dubai Desert Traditional. My want is that he will get to look at extra professional golf in his space. The child was actually good. And impressed. 

3. With that, let’s make some needs for the Saudi PIF-PGA Tour deal. Or no matter might come of it. Then once more, what do you get for one thing that already has every thing?  

However want one for the deal is transparency. And the clear, definitive capacity to reply this: Why would the Tour take Saudi cash, after its commissioner as soon as mentioned this, on nationwide TV, in reference to others who had: “I might ask any participant that has left, or any participant that might ever take into account leaving, ‘Have you ever ever needed to apologize for being a member of the PGA Tour?’”  

4. Want two for the deal — there are simply three; I promise there received’t be 23 — is the flexibility to reply this query: Are golfers actually price that a lot?

On the 5 Golf equipment podcast a number of weeks in the past, former pro-turned-analyst Frank Nobilo puzzled that really.

“However I additionally assume there’s a realization — we don’t charge excessive sufficient, as a lot because it pains me to say,” he mentioned on the podcast. “Golfers are overpaid in comparison with each different sport. Nobody desires to confess that. They don’t need to say it. 

“If LIV by no means got here alongside — we’re going to have so many 20 million-plus purses. And we don’t have the rankings. We’ll globally — and I’ve used this a bunch of instances — volleyball worldwide charges greater than golf. I don’t see volleyball gamers racing round in non-public planes and all kinds of issues. So we’re in a very bizarre house.”

5. The final want for the deal is the flexibility to grasp that the followers nonetheless matter. They’ve pull. They’ve selection. They don’t need to go to tournaments. They don’t have to look at occasions. Professional golf continues to be fan leisure. 

6. LIV Golf. The want is the competence to take an excellent take a look at a product that requires you to spend a half-billion {dollars} or so to persuade one participant to hitch. 

7. PGA Tour. The want is the competence to take an excellent take a look at a product that has your star gamers enthusiastic about leaving for a tour that has been routinely criticized. 

8. Professional golf followers. Some finality to all this.  

9. Professional golf information followers. Extra of all this. 

10. Phil Mickelson. A U.S. Open win. Lastly. At, of all locations, Pinehurst, the place 25 years earlier he memorably embraced Payne Stewart on the 18th. The Mickelson story, one of many weirdest-ever in golf, would simply get weirder. 

11. Tiger Woods. A PGA Championship win. At Valhalla, the place 24 years earlier, he received main No. 5.  

12. McIlroy. A Masters win. Whew, now we’re actually rolling. 

13. Aaron Rai. An Open Championship win. 

Wait, why Aaron Rai? Glad you requested. 

Again on this house through the PGA Championship, it was Rai who was enjoying a apply spherical late on a Tuesday at Oak Hill. And it was at Oak Hill the place, in response to native legend, the ghost of Buffalo Invoice visits the grounds. Earlier, I had even talked to a psychic on methods to speak to ghosts, ought to I ever encounter one. So I requested Rai about all of it quickly after he teed off on a gap. He laughed. However he mentioned he believed in ghosts and thoughtfully defined why.

Then, arising to some extent the place the ghost apparently has been typically seen, I attempted to speak to it. Nothing. I thanked Rai for the time.

Solely he requested to attempt. 

After all he might! However nothing. I once more thanked Rai. 

Solely he requested if we each ought to attempt. 

After all we might! However nothing once more. 

So yeah, I hope Rai wins the Claret Jug. (In the event you’re in any respect curious, right here’s the story — and video.)

14. The USGA and the R&A. The understanding to speak your rollback. Roll-back the ball 5 yards. Ten yards. 100 yards. 

However be clear together with your constituency. 

15. Golf-ball purchasers. The kindness to not purchase up all these scorching golf balls. Save me some! 

16. Presidents Cup. Hats for the Worldwide followers this upcoming 12 months in Montreal. Appears to work. 

17. Solheim Cup. A reputation like Carlota Ciganda for the followers this upcoming 12 months in Virginia. The best way final 12 months’s rowdies chanted it to the tune of the White Stripes’ Seven Nation Military has been caught in my head for 3 months. Automobile-lo-ta Ci-gan-da. Automobile-lo-ta Ci-gan-da. Automobile-lo-ta Ci-gan-da. 

18. U.S. Girls’s Open. The Rose Zhang breakthrough. 

19. Girls’s Open. A Gemma Dryburgh victory. She’s one other favourite on this house. However an Open win, in her dwelling nation of Scotland, at legendary St. Andrews, can be a hoot. And St. Andrews Brewing Firm, one in every of her sponsors, can be pouring loooong into the night time.  

20. Golf’s powers-that-be. The power to hearken to Nelly Korda. It was Korda who had this change final week with a reporter on the PNC Championship:

“Prize cash is rising; attraction is there. Do you’re feeling just like the LPGA is getting sufficient consideration because it ought to in contrast with different ladies’s sports activities? And if not, what’s holding it again, do you assume?”

“I imply, I feel what’s holding it again is that we’re not on prime-time TV clearly on a regular basis like the boys are. I feel that’s the place you get probably the most viewership.

“However it’s trending in the best course. And lots of people, in the event you give them a finger, they need the entire hand, they need the entire arm. So it’s a must to go a step at a time.

“And I feel that we’re making the best steps ahead as a Tour. However clearly being there, you prefer to it to progress possibly quicker. However I feel it’s all about placing it in the best spot and on the best platform, and that’s, truthfully, prime-time TV.”

21. Golf followers. The power to play this sport just a bit extra like Will McGee, the younger son of Annika Sorenstam.  

22. Golf followers want two. Similar as final 12 months, really. And eternally. The power to chop out at midday on Friday and play till the solar units. And eat a brat on the flip. And win the Masters ticket lottery. And go on a fall golf journey. The good things.  

23. Me. The prospect to stumble throughout extra monkeys at unique locations just like the Playboy Mansion. 

Like I did on the U.S. Open. 

Nick Piastowski

Golf.com Editor

Nick Piastowski is a Senior Editor at Golf.com and Golf Journal. In his position, he’s accountable for enhancing, writing and creating tales throughout the golf house. And when he’s not writing about methods to hit the golf ball farther and straighter, the Milwaukee native might be enjoying the sport, hitting the ball left, proper and brief, and ingesting a chilly beer to scrub away his rating. You possibly can attain out to him about any of those subjects — his tales, his sport or his beers — at nick.piastowski@golf.com.