The San Antonio Spurs have now formally chosen French basketball participant and potential superhuman Victor Wembanyama within the 2023 NBA Draft. They virtually chosen him upon successful the NBA Draft Lottery a couple of weeks in the past. And the Spurs started manifesting the dream of drafting Wembanyama when buying and selling Derrick White to Boston, after which doubled-down on that manifestation by buying and selling Dejounte Murray to Atlanta, after which tripled-down on that manifestation by buying and selling Jakob Poeltl again to the Raptors.

However you don’t want the historical past lesson, all that issues is Wembanyama is a Spur. And if he’s going to be the franchise cornerstone all of us hope he’ll be, he needsa cool nickname.

Sure, he comes pre-programmed with “Wemby,” however y’all, I do know we will do higher. I now current to you… The official Fiesta Shorts information to giving Victor Wembanyama a greater nickname.

Wemby?

Let’s simply get this one out of the way in which. Wemby is boring, lazy, and uninspired. I’m not attempting to say “The Large Elementary” was probably the most inventive identify of all time, however no less than somebody tried. Merely deleting 2⁄3 of Victor’s final identify and including a “y” on the finish looks like a whole lack of effort. Simply admit you possibly can’t be bothered to discover ways to say his final identify, which isn’t exhausting to do.

Counterpoint: Apparently Wembanyama likes this nickname in order that’s unlucky.

The French Rejection

As a result of he blocks pictures, you see. It’s one of many many issues he’s excellent at, and this nickname additionally harkens to an outdated timey noir movie I’ve by no means seen and doubtless by no means will. However that doesn’t matter. It additionally simply sounds cool. I can hear Invoice Land shouting “THE FRENCH REJECTION” in my desires and I’ve by no means slept higher than I do proper now.

One small, tiny bummer about that is that Basketball Reference lists this as a nickname of Rudy Gobert, however I’ve by no means heard anybody name him this so I’m going ignore that. Additionally they say that Gobert is called the Stifle Tower and… Gobzilla? This may’t be proper. Whereas we’re at it, you shouldn’t get to say a couple of nickname at a time. Gobert is breaking all types of unwritten guidelines right here.

I suggest that if The French Rejection actually is a nickname Gobert goes by, we play a recreation for it. If, at any level in his profession, Wembanyama out-blocks Gobert over a season OR in a head-to-head recreation will get to take The French Rejection for himself.

AND if Wembanyama ever blocks a Gobert shot throughout a recreation, Wembanyama instantly takes possession of the identify. Honest? Honest.

Large Vic

I haaaaaate this one. That is additionally lazy as hell. And once more, simply because you possibly can’t hassle to pronounce the dude’s identify doesn’t imply you get to resort to one thing this straightforward.

The factor that basically proactively scares me about anybody utilizing this nickname is the inevitability of individuals calling him “Large Dick Vic” the primary time he wins a recreation with a clutch transfer.

That’s simply bizarre, we gotta transfer on from this one. Put a giant ol’ “NO” stamp on the Large Vic doc please and thanks.

WembanJAMA

The factor I like about this identify is that jamming is cool. Area Jam was cool. NBA Jam is cool. Jam on toast? Signal me up! Uh… Bob Marley did some jamming and folks appear to like that. I as soon as watched a Phish live performance through livestream and whereas they had been technically jamming (ferociously jamming at occasions, I’d say) I used to be unable to definitively decide whether or not or not it was cool.

Let’s not get too hung up on that final one. Typically, jamming is cool. Cool? Cool.

Talking of issues I can hear Invoice Land shouting in my desires… “WembanJAMA with the put again… ohhhh mama” is up there. 

Does Wembanyama jam? He can jam. We would have to attend till he has a sick dunk reel to make use of this identify, however I need it on the market as an possibility so we don’t neglect about it if he begins going nuts on the AT&T Middle rims.

Victor the Restrictor

Okay. No that is silly. My unhealthy, y’all.

Frankenstein

OKAY HEAR ME OUT as a result of I stay in Germany and possibly it makes extra sense in Deutsch, however in Germany, as an alternative of France we are saying “Frankreich” and we’ve established that Wembanyama is sort of a monster (within the coolest means), so that you see? 

Frank = he’s French, “-enstein” due to Frankenstein’s monster?

It really works, simply belief me on this one.

Personally, I’m caught on The French Rejection however Frankenstein is rising on me. Like, between the time I wrote this and the time it was able to publish Frankenstein most likely grew to become my favourite. Acquired a greater nickname? Share it with us on Twitter @projectspurs and shout it from the rafters all season lengthy.